Business Growth

7 reasons why your job title doesn’t impress your customers.

If your job title is Chief Underwriter of Chinese and Korean Organic Legumes and Dill, you may want to avoid putting that acronym on your business card.

1: It’s not important to them.

In retail, there are only three jobs a customer finds important:

  1. Clerk: Someone to put the product on the shelf.
  2. Cashier: Someone to ring up the product.
  3. Manager: Someone to handle complaints about the Clerk and Cashier.

People are confused about what’s important to them. They think a Security Guard at the Bank is more important than a Security Guard at Wal-Mart.

They say it’s because they think protecting their money is important, but then run off with their paycheck to a discount store, to spend it on Chinese knockoff sneakers with lights in them.

2: It’s not easy to remember.

If you’re the Assistant to the Assistant Regional Manager of the Branch of Federal Financial Asset Acquirement… you’ve lost all credibility in the minds of all customers.

What they will remember is:

  • You were the person who sold them the thing.
  • Your first name, if you gave it to them.
    • Slight chance the name tag helped, if the customer chose to read. Most don’t.
  • If you were fat, ugly, thin, or hot.

People remember what’s important to them, not what’s important to you. I’ve been a Senior Developer, some say Software Engineer, and not once have any of our customers or clients asked me what my job title was. The only thing on their mind was getting their problem solved. Stick to that.

3: It sounds boring.

If your job title is Director of International, Regional and Local Sales and Marketing, I’ll fall asleep and drool on the floor in your boardroom.

If, on the other hand, your job title was Overlord of Commerce, you’ll have my attention, my good madam. Here are examples to make sure nobody sets fire to your business card:

  1. Head Executioner (Head of Human Resources).
    • It’s your job to decide who lives and dies, at the command of the upper echelons of your order.
  2. Treasure Hunter (Outbound Sales).
    • Success in cold-calling is just as elusive as buried treasure.
  3. Gatekeeper (Secretary)
    • You actually are a gatekeeper, deciding who gets the privilege of talking to your boss.

4: It has more than five words.

Our example, Chief Underwriter of Chinese and Korean Organic Legumes and Dill, has ten words. Customers won’t remember more than the last five words you said, if they’re paying attention to you in the first place:

  • If your job title has more than five words…
    • Then you need to question the usefulness of your responsibilities.
  • If your job title has more than five words…
    • Then you’re spending too much on business cards.
  • If your job title has more than five words…
    • Then it’s too long to impress your date.

Note: Women will remember the last five million words you’ve said, even when six of her friends were talking while she pretended to ignore you.

5: Each word has more than one syllable.

Your job title shouldn’t have more syllables than songs played at the Superbowl Halftime Show. Here’s a handy guide for reducing the audibles of your job title:

  • There’s a formula:
    • Good Job Title = Words / 2 < 5
    • Divide the number of words in your job title by 2.
      If it’s less than 5, you have a good job title.
    • Remove syllables and words until you reach less than 5 syllables.
  • Use your name; it probably has less syllables.
  • People often forget words with more than three syllables.

Good Rule: If it takes less time to say your name than your job title, then you should shorten or lengthen one of them.

6: It’s inflationary.

Your customer doesn’t want to stroke your ego, and nobody likes inflation when they have no income growth. If you want customers to value your job title as much as you do:

  1. Adjust it to match the national inflation rate.
    • Adjust it for deflation, too.
  2. Take an author’s advice: the simpler the words, the better.
  3. Use this Magic Formula!
    • Divide the customer’s order by your salary.
    • Example:
      1. Order costs $100.
      2. You earn $34,000.
      3. 100 / 34,000 = 0.002%
    • Adjust your ego until it reaches a 1-to-1 ratio.

If you find a job title strokes your ego, use it for a bit, but don’t dump it onto your customers. They have jobs too, and already deal with at least one ego-driven moron.

7: They don’t care.

The only time customers care about your job title is if you are the manager, which is usually accompanied by a complaint. Don’t let yourself be put in this position.

You can tell they don’t care when:

  • You can scan their product with a red laser.
  • You take their ticket and rip it in half.
  • You check their ID at the door.

Exception: If the customer is buying a high-priced item like real-estate or a car.

If you could have any imaginary job title, what would it be?

If you really want an imaginary job title, then register an LLC, make yourself the CEO, and give yourself a job title. It’s official, and you can start helping people as the Chief Executive of Lawn Chairs, Beer Cans, and Monstrous Claims on Donkeys, Billiards, and Why Alice Fell Through the Looking Glass